A "Dear"

Anyone wonder what a “dear” can do? I did too. Always here he/she is such a dear-y or dear heart. Sounds so sweet to be called a dear, doesn’t it? What happens when that “dear” collides with your drive to work?

Being a dear… excuse me a deer isn’t always a good thing especially for me working.

Went out with some friends to see the movie “The Lightning Thief,” and was driving home. I didn’t have anything to drink. I was perfectly sober to my dismay. Would have preferred to have a drink or two and have someone drive me home especially since a dear wanted to meet my car on I-470 by Lee’s Summit, MO.

The deer was not a dear-y or anything else. The doe came across the highway on the left and had another car on my left that was finally slowing down after doing the speeding up slowing down thing constantly. I was going “Yeah, stupid idiot is going away! Oh crap… That’s a deer.” I ended up slamming on my breaks a swerving just a bit to the right. This allowed the deer not to come through my driver side window thankfully. However, her head hit my head light, her shoulder hit the wheel well and driver door, and her butt hit the passenger door. This deer hit the runner along the bottom of the car. The only thing not being replaced on the left side of the car is the rear bumper. She even managed to crinkle the hood and break the seat belt. Still trying to figure out the seat belt...

All in all I’m very lucky; I didn’t really get hurt just a bit sore. What is very annoying is not having a car to drive around in. This means that I don’t get to go to work at my fav of the two jobs. Talking with people… *sigh* Having a people withdrawal at the moment. Hopefully I’ll be back to work soon and not the 2 – 3 weeks that has been estimated to fix my car.

Miss dancing very much.

Decisions

**This goes out to someone special. I hope you know who you are. Sometimes we just need to take what life gives us and be happy**

Josephine: What do you want in a relationship?
Drew: I don’t know where/what I’ll be doing. It is not fair to you to ask for anything from you.
J: I want to know what you’re feeling, what you want. My choice.
D: I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t ask that of you.
J: I can make my own choices.
D: I’m leaving.
J: I need you to stay to take care of me.
D: I am taking care of you. *States as walking out the door*

Moral of story: Both sides have choices. Sometimes the best decisions are not the easiest. Take what life gives you by the horns and accept it for what it is.

Getting Photos Taken

I was trying to find a birthday present for a guy. He is the hardest to buy for let me tell you. If he wants something he gets it unless it is too expensive. That means the rest of us are at a loss as to what to get him. First I thought about getting him a KU snuggie… He is always so warm, did not know if he would use it at all. Then along the same thought was what about a sweater or some such? The search began. Searching the internet looking through sweatshirts, ball caps, and the like. I wasn’t really finding anything that was saying “GET ME”. This was after about 2 hours surfing the internet. Needlessly to say, I was getting frustrated. Then the light bulb went off!!! How about photos? I was going to get him some while he was on leave from Iraq, but we never managed to get around to going. I was too chicken to go by myself at the time.

This sent me in search of the photo ad again. Off to craigslist.com. I spent another 30 minutes searching for the ad about sexy photos that I had seen before Christmas. Of course the ad would have had to have been reposted. With the luck of the Irish, the post was there for Valentine’s Day. Contacted Zilla (not his real name) to see about setting up an appointment to get photos done. The guy and I were both suppose to go, but because of some unforeseen circumstances with his truck he was not able to go. Boo!!!

Without him being able to go, I was very, very nervous. I will admit it; I do not like going to the mall by myself. What am I suppose to be doing going by myself to get some artsy pics? My knees were knocking, heart racing, almost started crying. Yes, I know I was over reacting. I was going to a studio not some house. This was a place of business. BUT there was not going to be anyone else there. I can get naked in front of a room full of guys; however, going by myself to a business was freaking me out. An hour before I was supposed to be there, I almost called to cancel. That was not an acceptable idea as I would lose money. So a couple of deep breaths later, I packed my bag, got my makeup on, and headed out the door. I had 45 minutes to get there. The drive should only take about 25 minutes, if I do not get lost. Hehe.


I didn’t get lost thankfully. Don’t know if I would have been able to stand the stress. (Yes, again, I’m a big baby.) Drove up in front of the building about 25 minutes early. Sat in the car for a bit listening to music. There were some good songs on such as "Gimme that Girl." Eventually, got bored and saw one of the stores was a cake store. Decided to go into the store and take a look around. Was really looking for a whisk, but did not find any. What kind of cake/cooking store does not have a whisk? I did find a neat Build a Cake. This is what I would need if I was making a cake.



Looked at my phone and was about time to go in for my appointment. Deep breath.. Glup... Will not have an anxiety attack. Will not! Deep breath as I walk into the photo studio.

Stepping through the front door, I see a guy that is a little heaver set. He asks, "How may I help you?" My reply, "I have an appointment." Him, "Ahhh you must me (insert real name)." Me, "Yes, I am." From here the ball starts rolling. Person that was suppose to come with me? Check. Nope, not going to make it. Am I over 18 (I love this question and will like it much more when I am 40 and look 25)? Check, over 18. What do I want done? Check... I have no clue. The guy was suppose to be the one choosing. Guess it is up to the photographer now. And the questions go on and on.

After all the paper work is filled out, I go in back and put on a skimpy bright pink thong and a black robe. We get into a working relationship here. Look down, look up, move your chin, turn this way or that. Come up on your knees a bit more. At this point my thigs are starting to tremble. Wow!! Forgot how hard it is to take pics. Through it all he was very professional and lively. We got a few pics of me just goofing off. I couldn't help myself. I just started laughing at him. Working with him was so much fun.

Then I changed clothes again. This time a bra, a thong and shorts. The following picture was just one he was goofing off to get the lights right. I absolutely love it. I like my butt a lot. One of my best assests I believe.



After trying a few positions and poses with afore mentioned items, we try one more set of clothes. This time I get to be the Queen of the Nile wrapped in pearls and lace. I feel ultra feminine.



There were a few pictures taken that only select people will see. However, most of what we took were really artsy, as can be seen in the above pics. The photographer also has great prices.

If you like what you see you can contact Zilla at zilla1515@yahoo.com

I plan on getting more pictures in the future.

** Made some minor changes in spelling and grammer to make it easier to read.

Stage Fright

If you think giving a Speech is bad. Try getting naked in front of a room full of mostly guys. After being off for about a year and a half, I am back to stripping. The challenge is fun as well as meeting new people and seeing the old.

However, one of the things that just gets me, is being the center of attention on the stage. I am short, not skinny and not fat. All and all I have a nice body. There are plenty of girls that have a better body than me. Ie: Bigger boobs, a firmer butt, and thighs that aren’t as big. I could keep going, but I am my worst critic. As one of the managers said, my dancing style is sweet and seductive. I am damn good at that even if I could give a better performance on stage.

Maybe I am saving my strength to give you a better lap dance? Ever think of that? Ok fine…. I just get stage fright. Thinking about the audience in their skivvies does not help. There are girls out there with next to nothing on. (Side note: Woot!!! I get to see sexy ladies running around in lingurea. I get to as well!!!!) Being perfectly at easy walking around on 5 inch heels is fine. Unless you count the few times I have tripped over my own feet.

My goal for April is to start taking Pole Dancing classes. Building some upper body strength will be awesome. Then maybe with a few pole tricks, I will feel more at ease on stage shaking my booty.

Beginning of Stripping

Before I started dancing (stripping), I always wondered how other people got into dancing. Some people start because they believe they don’t have any place else to go or it is a way to make some money fast. The thought was all these girls where sluts and whores and got their jollys. Since starting dancing I have learned otherwise. However, let’s start with how I got into stripping.

Being 18 years old and getting ready to go to college on a parcile socallership for Actuarial Science. Basically this means a lot of math and statitics. I never got to start college for that; however, I did move to Houston, TX with my father.

The deal was I would start school at a community college and get a job. Was enrolled in classes the same week we got down there and started looking for a job. Went to Wal-mart, Koger’s (a grocery store), and several other places and filled out applications. This went on for about 3 weeks. Received two interviews.

The first interview was all the way across town the first week I was there. The appointment was about mid-day and missed most of the heavy traffic. Getting use to directions based on time and not miles was interesting. I am originally from Kansas City. Even driving across the metro only takes about an hour with traffic. This drive took me about an hour as well but again it was mid-day and next to no traffic for them… Interview went great but did not get the job as lived on other side of town.

The second interview…. Was a complete disaster. I was 15 minutes late as I got completely lost even with leaving an hour early. The drive should have taken about 30 minutes. As I left I was almost in tears as this was the 3rd week looking for a job and my dad was starting to think I was not trying to find one.

Now I forget where I was going but looked out the window of the truck and saw “Baby Dolls”. I asked “what is that?” My father replied it was a strip joint. I knew what a strip club was and started wondering about applying for a job there. I never got the chance as that weekend I went back to see some family in KC and take a modeling class.

As I was getting ready to go back to Houston my dad pulled by in the drive in KC. I was being moved back to Kansas City, MO to live with my grandma and grandpa. Needlessly to say I was bummed. I was enjoying my time in Houston taking salsas classes and what about that strip club….
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A couple years later I was a substitute teacher and doing alright. However, that dream of being a stripper was still there. Lucky for me my boyfriend was alright with the idea. Actually, he was fairly ecstatic when I told him what I wanted to do.

The deal was he would find some place for me to dance and we would go take a look.
My first time in a strip club… was fun. Well much more than fun. The feeling is very hard to put into words. I watched two girls dance on stage at a time. Thinking, “Wow!!!! How do they turn upside down on the pole?” “Wish I could do that.” And many more such thoughts running through my head. What I knew was that I had to try it. Only one thing stopping me… I don’t know what a lap dance is… Felt very silly telling my boyfriend that. Again lucky me, he wanted to get me a lap dance.

We discussed that different quality of the girls. Which one would give the best lap dance? Which one was I interested in dancing for me and why? Needlessly, we were both very turned on. Yet, none of the girls were coming by and asking us if we wanted dances…. We tried unsuccessfully to get the girls we were interested in. Either they did not hear us or were not interested. More than likely it was the former.

Finally, a girl walked up and asked me if I wanted a dance. I really was interested in her; yet, I wanted that dance and was ready to go. I am lucky she asked when she did.

My boyfriend went with us back to one of the couches. Looking at the other people sitting there, I followed their example. I put my hands out beside me as there was not touching allowed. I got a great lap dance.

I started at Bazooka’s Showgirls soon after. Enjoying the thrill of dancing on stage for people and taking the chance to talk with everyone I can.